“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Ben Franklin
Have you ever noticed that those who have 'a way with people' seem to get more of the results they want, and are able to do so in such a way that everyone involved feels like a winner? That’s important because if you get what you want by lying and cheating, you're going to damage your reputation - perhaps beyond repair.
Typically, however, this 'way with people' is not as natural as it looks - but rather is learned. It's not entirely natural and it takes practice.
In his book, Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin and Other Writings, the inventor and statesman tells of an incident with a man who opposed his being re-chosen as Clerk of the General Assembly of the Pennsylvania House.
Although he did manage to keep the office, Ben knew that this person, whom he described as “a gentleman of fortune and education with talents that were likely to give him, in time, great influence in the House,” could be trouble later on. He aimed to insure that didn’t happen by “making, of an enemy, a friend.”
Let’s let Ben tell us how he did it:
“I did not, however, aim at gaining his favour by paying any servile respect to him, but after some time took this other method. Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him expressing my desire of perusing that book and requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to me for a few days.
“He sent it immediately – and I returned it in about a week with another note expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility. And he ever afterward manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death.
”This is another instance of the truth of an old maxim I had learned, which says, ‘He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.’ And it shows how much more profitable it is prudently to remove, than to resent, return, and continue inimical proceedings.”
Understand that both ways work (giving first and receiving first); it’s just a matter of judging the method that will work best depending upon both the situation and the other person involved. Either way, what Ben said in his final sentence makes a whole lot of sense. To paraphrase: “We’re better off making a friend than keeping an enemy.”
While influence itself is simply the ability to move a person (or persons) to a desired action, to the degree you can do that while helping the other person to feel good about themselves, about the situation, and about you, that’s the degree that you will find yourself obtaining buy-in and commitment on an ongoing, consistent, and even predictable basis.
And that is – what I call – Ultimate Influence. It will serve you well in whatever you do in life... even if it's starting an Organo Gold home business.
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